Seven — Shhh! — Secrets of Highly Effective Bankers

Hey there, young Manhattanites who aren't investment bankers. Wondering what those kids who are making six times your starting salary have that you don't, besides suits, coke, and a soulless unswerving commitment to making money above all else? Well, according to the charmers at Bankersball.com ("Wilkommen!"), they have seven secrets. And lucky you, they're willing to share them. Ok, so there are a couple of no-brainers in there, but there are also some shocking insights. Did you know that it's important, not only to be a "good/passable writer," but to be:

  • Culturally and socially astute. Many of you have come from humble beginnings. But as you rise through the ranks and get richer, you need to step up your knowledge to learn about things like art and wine. It sounds like a stereotype, but it's true.
  • Baller. If single, must be able to hit on members of the opposite sex. Benefit of having a gf/bf is that you can always pass on this type of thing. Related to this is the ability to be attractive and appealing even if you're not.
And perhaps most importantly of all:
  • Cannot be pee shy. Business takes place everywhere. You must be able to keep the conversation going from the dinner table to the urinal and to dinner again.
Wow, we're impressed. Good luck mastering art, wine, and bladder control, dudes.

Seven Secret Skills of Highly Effective Bankers
[BankersBall]