Australian Missionaries Might Foil Madonna's Latest Orphan-Snatching Plot

As little David Banda continues to adapt to his charmed, new life at an English manor, where he's getting into all sorts of adorable trouble crawling into his mom's closets and delighting in her secret stash of recreational riding crops and chainmail panties, Madonna's swelling heart is now set on giving David the sister he never had (not counting Lourdes, who has the disadvantage of being a less-desirable, biological child). But as with her first Malawian adoption, the follow-up tour is set to meet with much resistance and negative publicity, as 18-month-old Jessica has already been promised to an Australian missionary couple whose charity work in the impoverished African nation predates Madonna-come-lately's by seven years:

The singer is planning to adopt a second Malawi orphan, 18-month-old Jessica Kondanani, after adopting 13-month-old David Banda last month.

However Australian couple John and Angela Wilmot say they are already well into the process of adopting Jessica - and fear Madonna's celebrity status may prevent Jessica joining their family. [...]


The Wilmots are Baptist aid workers who moved to Malawi to work as missionaries seven years ago with their two sons

The couple has already adopted four Malawian children from the Kondanani Orphan Care Centre and are keen to adopt more.

Once again, Madonna appears to have fallen victim to the "cutest one in the room" syndrome, forgetting that choosing the most dumpling-cheeked of the bunch often comes with a messy web of strings attached—anything from still-living parents, to competing do-gooders who have already called orphan dibs. Still, the singer's megacelebrity should be enough to squeeze the Nobodies from Down Under out of the running, and Madonna should ably deflect any lingering criticism on an Oprah appearance in which she'll passionately argue that while the Wilmots may have been spending the decade committed to improving Malawian lives, she's devoted entire months to building Kabbalah learning centers where the orphans she chose not to adopt can buy $400 copies of the Zohar and candles that smell like God.