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It's that time of year again. Time to observe how ad agency and "brand architects" Team One—part of the Saatchi & Saatchi billion dollar clusterfuck of agencies, which is part of the even bigger Publicis global ad conglomerape—attempts to lure middle class consumers into further debt by gifting a fucking Lexus.

In this season's first spot, Hubby leads eyes-wide-shut Wifey out of their surprisingly modest rancher, which now must have a second or third mortgage attached to it. Meanwhile, a gaggle of gawking neighbors, including one beautifully-cast black family, has already gathered curbside to watch the joyous big red bow moment (How did they know? Hubby must've texted all of them.).

Thing is, this bullshit has worked.

By turning a non-gift luxury item into a surprise $50,000 holiday present, Lexus now sells more cars in December— traditionally the slowest car-sales period of the year—than any other month. That's because their December To Remember "sales" event is actually a "more lenient financing" event (which leads to more curbside repo man events). Also, because Pavlovian consumerist zombies drool when they see that perfectly-tied BIG RED BOW, kinda like on The Simpsons when the Malibu Stacy doll's new hat caused a Black Friday-like stampede.

Knowing how lazy and unoriginal people are in my industry, I'm really surprised more carmakers haven't shamelessly copied Lexus and shot similar commercials, maybe with a different style knot on the red bow. Or with a green bow. Or a red, white and green bow.

Let's put a bow on this post by figuring out what the fuck is going on in the below Banana Republic ad. A thorough check of their website finds no antlers of any kind for sale. While her 'like I give a fuck' expression mirrors my own feelings about Christmas, the model actually seems to be staring at something. Maybe her idiot banker boyfriend trying to wrap a big red bow around her new Lexus (she wanted a Mercedes and will tell him to return it)? Maybe watching Rudolph The Red-nosed Reindeer with severe irony?

This image was lost some time after publication.

94 years ago, liar H.K. McCann launched his NYC ad agency with the slogan "Truth Well Told." That was a Big Fat Lie. Advertising copywriter copyranter brings you instances of Ad Lies and the Lying Liars who sell them.

Earlier: The Fake Testimonial