Short Ends: A Black Day For Yellow Wiggles

· The headline "Yellow Wiggle Decides to Stop Performing" may not mean much to you, but trust us, there are millions of four-year-olds tearfully clutching CD covers right now and angrily accusing Yellow Wiggle Ono of having broken up their favorite band.
· By now you've probably heard that Sofia Coppola is a new mommy. Just like the one she almost got last week!
· We know you simply couldn't go on without knowing how Michael Douglas is doing after almost falling during a Bermudan "roof-wetting" ceremony. He's OK!
· Yes, all of's lame fight scenes are pretty terrible, but the knife-licking insanity of #1 wins by a wide margin.
· After over two decades, Beverly Hills is almost ready to endorse a subway route, but residents are secretly hoping the "wrong kind of people" who will inevitably end up riding it will bypass their manicured streets for whatever Santa Monica crack motel they're headed to.
· For those of you for whom the Michael Richards "Afro-American" apology on Letterman left them wanting, perhaps you'll prefer these more coherent sentiments from an old episode of Seinfeld...though they'll probably end up doing more harm than good.