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When he's not defending the architectural sanctity of the Upper East Side, Tom Wolfe wears white suits. It's his gimmick, his thing, like Paris Hilton's vagina or Mel Gibson's anti-Semitism. Whether or not you subscribe to the "enduring appeal" of the white suit, we nevertheless require your assistance. We hate to bend you over and use you like our personal Craigslist bitch, but these are desperate times. One of us males in the vast newsroom requires a white suit. This is for a — no really — upcoming wedding in the tropics. It need not be a white suit of Wolfean dappertude, nor do we desire to blow much cash on what is essentially a novelty. One would think that, this being New York, you can get anything at any time, right? No, for even our crappiest retailers must adhere to the laws of season, which mean that the few harebrained consumers who might buy white suits do so in the springtime, not now, on the eve of December. Forget all the chains and discounters (Daffy's, Men's Wearhouse, etc.); we've had better luck with small crap suiteries, though so far nothing in our size. Help us resolve this fashion emergency. If you know where one can acquire a cheap white suit (remember: for the tropics!) in the next week, in Manhattan, let us know in the comments or via the memory hole. In return, we'll bring back beautiful photos and maybe some of that military-grade Caribbean blow.

[Photo: Getty]