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We almost felt bad about making fun of the Krazy email that Page Six reports our favorite Long Island-born Strawberry Quik fan sent to her friends and lawyers last week, because it is starting to seem like Lohan might actually have graduated from 'retard' to 'actual developmentally disabled person.' But then we stopped feeling bad after we realized that we make fun of those all the damn time, too. So: highlights from Lindsay 'Does Chanel Make Helmets?' Lohan's lastest attempt to salvage her image (sic sic sic sic sic times infinity, obvs):

Al Gore will help me. He came up to me last night and said he would be very happy to have a conversation with me, If he is willing to help me, let's find out. Hilary Clinton, Bill Clinton, and Evan Metroplis, and John Daur who works with them would be willing, if we just ask. If we just ASK.

Lohan goes on to express her desire to

release a politically/morally correct, fully adequite letter to the press [about] how our society should be educated for the better of our country. Our people . . . because I have such an impact on our younger generations, as well as generations older than me. Which we all know and can obviously see.

We're already bracing ourselves for the impact, honey.

Lindsay's Loopy E-Mail Pitch [Page Six]