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· A: Probably mass suicide. Staring into the existential void represented by Spears' vagina should almost invariably lead one to the conclusion that life is absurd and meaningless.
Al Gore seems less than psyched that Lindsay Lohan has named him as a sponsor in her planned crusade against the gossip-obsessed media.
· Rosie O'Donnell's not leaving The View, so we expect Elizabeth Hasselbeck isn't quite ready to ease up on the cutting.
We're not even going to pretend that we have any idea why Beyonce's face is rippling like that.
Heads are a-rollin' at the Hollywood Reporter, just in time for Christmas.
Hey, horny manatee!