We asked, and you have answered. Your tales of woe have us thanking our lucky, lucky stars that the word assistant is no longer in our vocabularies. Please keep in mind that we, and you, will be selecting a pair of winners who will have the unprecedented opportunity to get wasted with Gawker editors and Page Six moue Paula Froelich. You wouldn't want to miss that, would you? No, you wouldn't. Send your tips to email@example.com.
The latest entries, including Bill O'Reilly's stank-ass, after the jump.
When i was an asst. I used to sit at a desk directly opposite my boss's office. Since I did almost all the work for this editor, she would often not know the answers to simple questions people called her about, like "when did that manuscript come in." Instead of putting those people on hold, she would pretend to look for this manuscript and rustle papers around her desk, while snapping her fingers at me to come to her office. Usually I came, because, hell I was a stupid assistant who didn't know better. But one time, I decided "no, i am not your bitch, bitch! I will not respond to finger-snapping like a dog." Since her increasingly frantic snapping wasn't getting my attention, she did the next best thing—THROW A PAPERWEIGHT AT ME! It wasn't one of those heavy paperweights, but still. And the reason she called me into her office? To ask me to give her CORPORATE CARD to her au pair who was waiting downstairs with my boss's kids.
I interned at Fox News this spring, and Bill O'Reilly's office was down the hall from where I worked. He used the same bathroom I did, and one day, as I was washing my hands, he walked by and I hard this sound, vaguely like a fart, and then the stench hit my face. Bill O'Reilly farted on me! He is also not too pleasant of a person, always keeps his head down, which makes him look so much smaller than he is.