Overpaid free-newspaper sex columnist Julia Allison's hot, gaping opening has been filled, yo. That's right: her search for a new assistant has netted one "Sara," who has a freshly-minted pink blogspot blog entitled Gentlemen Prefer (New York) Blondes. She says she's "pretty sure" that her life is "one long docudrama-comedy-chick flick that hasn't made it to the box office quite yet." We're pretty sure that we love her, because honestly, we love anything that makes our job easier.
Sara aspires to be a sex columnist, just like her new employer. We think she's a great fit for the job, based on qualifications that we've extrapolated from her five-entry blog oeuvre:
- She's media-savvy!
I had to actually go out and purchase the behemoth that is the Sunday Times, instead of browsing it virtually from the comfort of my warm bed...and without black shit all over my hands. Sigh! But this rare purchase led me to actually read the Times at its entirety for the first time ever.
- She's . . . confident!
So I have these really silky, oh-so-comfy pink PJ pants that I absolutely love. But they're slightly flawed. And by slightly I mean there's a gaping hole in the crotch area (see crotch shot below). Hey, they still serve their purpose.Anyways, I definitely went to the door this morning (carelessly in my oh-so-comfies) to get my delivery order, and I guess I forgot that delivery men have eyes. Needless to say, I can guarantee the delivery man will personally request to be the sole delivery man for apt. 2 from now on.
- She's ambitious!
Now, I've seen this section in brief before, and I have witnessed Charlotte's misfortune on SATC when her wedding picture was blotched, but I've never actually read the blurbs under the flawless faces and happy little names...Until today. As a woman whose face MUST (eventually) end up in this elite part of the paper, I think I need to step up my game.
Out of the 18 announcements in the Weddings/Celebrations section, almost 50% had PhDs, master's or law degrees. Half had degrees from Columbia, Penn, Notre Dame, Georgetown or Harvard. And all 18 couples had established and successful careers.
I mean really! I have a college education and a career path, but someone in this relationship is really gonna need to get their act together. And by relationship, I mean...uhhh...me.
Note to self: get a master's degree, THEN look for a husband.
We applaud Sara's zeal, but we just want to set her straight on a couple of tiny details.
1) Sex and the City was a fictional drama, not a documentary or a reality show. We know, it's confusing. Sometimes it helps to see whether the credits list 'writers' or whether the performers have different names when you read about them in a magazine.
- Earlier: Julia Allison Has An Opening That's Perfect For You!