· Take a good look at this guy. (Record producer "DJ Jazzy" Jonathan "JR" Rotem, if you must know his name.) He was supposedly seen making out with Britney Spears, meaning that there's at least a fifty percent chance he'll be the father of her next child.
Meanwhile, Paris Hilton valiantly defends Britney Spears' mothering skills and partying ethics, claiming that a woman with small children who likes to get out of the house once in a while to flash her cooch isn't necessarily a bad mom.
Lindsay Lohan's hitting the pole, but she's not taking her clothes off. We'll grudgingly put up with such shenanigans from someone of Natalie Portman's abilities and level of class, but not from someone whose career high points are Mean Girls and begging Al Gore to ask the media to be nice to her.
Hey, Bigfoot pleasuring a unicorn! [Note to Fox Interactive types—disabling embedding on your promotional videos makes them much less fun. Free the handjobbing Sasquatch!]