Screw you proles — you think you're so funny and cool you can go to The Onion's holiday party? Aheheheh, no you may not. After the party invite got forwarded to the whole wide world, the RSVP list blowed up. The Apiary reproduces the Onion email of invite-retraction, plus a charmingly low-key witch hunt for whoever released the precious info in the first place. Trouble is, the whole invite was reproduced on 826NYC as well, drawing in eager philanthropic types and Dave Eggers zombies. All are now denied! You want to hang with the Onion kids, you'll have to meet them on the storied field of softball. In the meantime, write your own dryly comic Onion headline to describe this debacle.

Party Foul: Thousands of Distraught Revelers Turned Away From Onion Holiday Mixer [Apiary]

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