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On the off chance that you haven't been following the saga of troubled™ American Pie actress Natasha Lyonne that's been dragging on since last April,'s helpful "Story Highlights" box on today's update should get you all caught up. There is, however, a pitfall to taking the easy shortcut offered by the above bullet points: if you don't read on into the body of the article to discover that Lyonne barged into the apartment and actually had the canine in hand when she said, "I'm going to sexually molest your dog," you lose almost all sense of the hilarious, poodle-diddling jeopardy in which the quivering animal suddenly found itself.