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It was with a tear in our eyes, and a drop of blood on our lips, that we read of the retirement party for State Health Commissioner Antonia Novello. You'll recall that Novello was the one who paved the way for the Hasids of New York State to continue their lovely tradition of sucking the blood off a newly circumcised penis, thereby transmitting herpes to at least seven young lads who had the privilege of having their first blow jobs at the tender age of eight days. If you're interested in attending Novello's farewell fete, $50 gets you in the door and allows you the opportunity to contribute to her farewell gift. We'd like to suggest a lifetime supply of Valtrex, donated in her name to the Hasidic children of the Empire State.

Novello Goes Out In Style [Daily Politics]
Earlier: Circumcision May Prevent AIDS, But It Can Give You Herpes