TODO is one daily thing recommended for you, by us.

2006 was a vintage year for Guidos, or so they'd have you believe. They drank, they smoked, they danced and they fought in our streets, all in the name of Guidoism. We'll grant them this much: they certainly are their own collective. For damned sure, they're nobody else's. We should all party with the zest of the Guido, but we can't because we're usually too tired from working all week.

This weekend, things are different. Sunday night is New Year's Eve. When you're thinking through all sorts of expensive scenarios involving reservations here and hotel rooms there, you should, perhaps, give some consideration to looking east - to Long Island, where a prototypical Guido Saturday night could provide the ideal solution to your end-of-year revelry dilemmas.

We'll start you out at Westbury's cavernous Mirage nightclub, Long Island's traditional bastion of nightmarish Guido tackiness. Dance your life away in a sea of diagonally-striped dress shirts and hair glue, then retreat to your table in the VIP for a Red Bull and some chicken fingers. Be very careful to avoid eye contact with your fellow patrons, lest they attack.

Once last call comes around, it'll be time to follow the herd to two late-night Guido dining favorites. A&S Bagels of Franklin Square is the ultimate destination for the Long Island Guido-on-the-go, while Cherry Valley Deli & Grill of Whitestone offers a more relaxed post-club culinary experience for the demanding Guido who'll accept nothing less than the thickest of brown gravies dripping from his chicken cutlet hero.

Satiated, you'll be tempted to simply make your way home, but remember this: the only place to digest an A&S bagel or a TCS hero from Cherry Valley is in the holding cell of a local jail after you're been arrested on DWI charges - something we all need to consider when engaging the remote starters on our Escalades.

Earlier: To Do: Giant Sperm, Comedians' Best Nights, or ?uestlove

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