I'll have what he's having: Specialty cocktails for the tech world

NICK DOUGLAS — Another year and the bubble hasn't popped! Sysadmins and C-level execs alike, you deserve something special, like a drink named after you or your latest achievement. And Yahoos deserve a drink all to themselves. So after the first champagne, order these official cocktails for techies in 2007!

Remember, don't drink and drive. Drink and get a ride with the first PR cutie you find.

I'll have what he's having: Specialty cocktails for the tech world

  • The Big Flip You sold for $30 million! Take some of your $2 million cut and buy a round for everyone. Ingredients: 1 oz Absolut Mandrin, juice of 1/2 lime, 1/2 oz Triple Sec, 1/4 cup fruit punch
  • The Bubble 2007 is the Year of the Pig. That's you, baby. Hey, pigs are intelligent animals. Ingredients: Champagne and Sterno. Add bitters.
  • The Flack This one goes out to my pal Steve Kerns at Thursty Thursdays, the weekly roving PR drinkfest in San Francisco. It's the weekend starter for anyone tired of press releases and gladhanding — drink up, 'cause there's an industry mixer on Saturday. Ingredients: Blue Skyy vodka, Chartreuse, mint, more vodka, just the tiniest hint of bitters
  • The Hack For the journalist who's just met deadline, snared a book deal, or met the Flack Ingredients: Same as the Flack, but exactly twice each proportion. Leave the check with the Flack.
  • The Stirr Looks boozy, but it'll only make you more alert as you cruise your more sauced-up colleagues at an industry mixer. Ingredients: Coffee and whipped foam — it's an Irish coffee without the Irish
  • The Series A Round The opposite of a Stirr. Frankly, this is an investor roofie, and it'll take plenty of work for poor little you to buy an investor a drink. You can only drink half of it before going back for a Round B. Ingredients: Soju and a splash of Sprite. If the mark complains, subtly imply he or she is a sissy. Unless you're just a guy in a stripey trying to get a chick drunk on Friday, in which case be liberal with the Sprite, dude. You've got all night.
  • The Business Lunch There are places we drink during lunch. Those places are mostly on the East Coast. Ingredients: Martinelli's
  • The C-level A chief executive deserves the favorite whisky of writer Robert Louis Stevenson. Ingredients: Talisker, neat.
  • The Yahoo Oh hell, just throw everything you've got at the problem and maybe it'll work. Ingredients: Rum, vodka, Kahlua, Coke, gin, Yoohoo, peanut butter
  • The Sysadmin An all-nighter for those rare all-night server-rescuing sessions. Ingredients: Costco Vodka; Bawls Guarana from the free case you got at LISA
  • The Code Monkey Ingredients: Costco Tequila, Coke (not chilled).*

    *Also, this drink interestingly has exactly 40mg of ketamine in it, which is actually ok if you take a B12 booster shot six to twelve hours ahead of time and remembered to synchronize your Perforce archive before FUCK! FUCK FUCK FUCK! THE PERFORCE ARCHIVE!


This is an installation of Diggbait, a daily column by Nick Douglas, who also writes for Eat the Press. He likes robots, words, and White Russians. Photo by Fred Armitage.