In this Gothamist interview with the perpetually self-consumed writer, we learn much we never knew, but probably could've guessed, about Neal Pollack: "I modeled myself back then on Alex P. Keaton from Family Ties, but I wasn't a Republican. I was academically nerdy. In terms of the kind of person I was, I got beat up a lot. It's not like I didn't have any friends, I just had a big mouth and the jocks didn't take kindly to me." Yeah, that sounds about right. What disturbs us more is the news that his upcoming book Alternadad—about the (gag us) foibles of being a "hipster dad"—has been optioned and he's turning it into a movie. We knew the grups were taking over, but now it's apparent that this is a trend that simply will not die. A generation of self-consumed male hipsters have suddenly discovered parenthood, and we'll be forced to listen to them for years on end. Really, it's enough to make you want to just crawl into a little ball and never read New York magazine again.