While it seems that our names were somehow deleted (erroneously, we're sure) from Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes' "nice list" this holiday, at least one of our readers maintained good enough relations with Team Cruise to receive a Christmas greeting from America's Most Suspicious Nuclear Family. Happily, our operative took the time to painstakingly photograph the mysterious "card" they received last week, allowing those of us not lucky enough to make the list to share in the Cruise's heartwarming (if concisely expressed) seasonal wishes:
In all its glory, see the attached. From the gigantic gold envelope to the fine attention to detail on the crappy stitching and lousy cutting.
No one can figure out what it is - the material is somewhat doily-like, but is it a placemat? A tree ornament? Or simply Katie's Christmas cry for help from the Craft Room where she's been locked up with ugly material and pinking shears for the last six weeks?
We would auction it off on eBay, but no one would ever believe this actually came from them.
We're still too brimming with the generosity of the holiday spirit to share in our reader's uncharitable evaluation of the card's workmanship, choosing instead to focus on the loving care that untold Sea Org laborers obviously put into each poorly executed stitch to make sure that the Cruise family's embroidered sentiments reached their intended recipients' mailboxes before the end of the year. More photos of the card (which, frankly, we find to be a significant upgrade over Cruise's heavy-handed, Scientology-pushing 2004 offering) follow: