Cameron Diaz's Dump In A Box: Now It's Official

Because no end to the regular comingling of celebrity fluids is final without the issuance of a joint statement announcing their amicable goodbyes, we bring to you the official, publicist-assisted obituary of Justin Timberlake and Cameron Diaz, R.I.P.:

"It has always been our preference not to comment on the status of our relationship, but, out of respect for the time we've spent together, we feel compelled to do so now, in light of recent speculation and the number of inaccurate stories that are being reported by the media. We have, in fact, ended our romantic relationship and have done so mutually and as friends, with continued love and respect for one another."

SOURCE: Brad Cafarelli for Cameron Diaz, Sonia Muckle for Justin Timberlake

While it seems as if the actress would be the one to be hit hardest by the Diaz-Cafarelli/Timberlake-Muckle split, her gushing acceptance speech at the People's Choice Awards made it abundantly clear that she has already managed to move on to a far more satisfying and mature relationship with anyone with an internet connection who happened to vote for her, leaving Timberlake, who can barely contain in his every public appearance a newly untethered glee, free to pursue the true love of his lifeā€”himself.