We're still kinda new at this, but we've already pretty much figured out that it's pointless to try to reason with haters, especially when your comeback is along the lines of: "No, you don't understand: THIS is why I'm funny!" David Cross, though? Not so much. The Arrested Development star made a surprise guest appearance in the comments section of a negative SFist review of his performance at Monday's Comedy Death-Ray show. SFist had called Cross a bigot, implying that he was crass to make intolerant comments about Mormons on Martin Luther King Jr. day ( btw, thanks, SFist — it's always nice to be reminded of why we don't live in San Francisco, especially when the windchill's like this). Worse, though, the reviewer implied that Cross's bit got only "paltry applause." OH NO YOU DIDN'T, SFIST. Here are a few of the 700+ words Cross wrote in rebuttal:
I can't (nor should I ever) assume that the each audience I ever do that bit in front of is familiar with either, the South Park episode, the Slate article about Romney being Mormon (which I am not familiar with but I would imagine any good journalist might find it to be an interesting subject), or even the basic tenants and history of Mormonism itself. And looking over your review I notice that I did in fact mention everything you cite as being so integral to the South Park episode. To represent on this web site that bit the way you do is damaging if not worse. Emily, you can't simply reduce everything I said, and it's obvious (to most, at least) intent to merely being a vitriolic, bigoted soap-box lecture wherein I just say, "This is what Mormons believe, aren't they fucking idiots?". That is being either purposefully dishonest or at the very least, lazy and irresponsible. In addition, your numerous references to how poorly I was received seem put in there to bolster your position. This just wasn't the case. Again, the set and entire evening were taped. I have the proof on tape. You have your clearly biased memory of events, which do not match reality.
We think Cross is fucking hilarious, so it's hard for us to spank him too hard for this lapse in judgment. We will say this, though: he might want to review the basic tenets of the English language before his next blog-comments screed.