In a development that will shock only certain tribes of Amazonian rainforest primitives whose glossy magazine subscriptions have lapsed in the New Year, depriving them of the tale of the starlet's miraculous recovery from imaginary-appendectomy surgery, Us Weekly reports that Lindsay Lohan has finally decided to get serious about becoming a fully adequite member of sober Hollywood, entering rehab earlier this afternoon:
Lindsay Lohan entered the luxe rehab facility Wonderland Center in Los Angeles' Laurel Canyon on Wednesday afternoon at 2:30 p.m., Us has learned.
"I have made a proactive decision to take care of my personal health," Lohan tells Us Weekly through her rep, Leslie Sloane Zelnick. "I appreciate your well-wishes and ask that you please respect my privacy at this time."
Publicist-penned statements about proactive decisions to seize back one's health from the 80-proof demons that have tormented Lohan since she first learned that alcohol consumption laws don't apply to underage, working actresses are all well and good, but in difficult times like these, we must put aside sentiment and ask the most important question: What was she wearing when checked into rehab?
She arrived at the facility in a blacked out SUV followed by a caravan of two other cars. Looking somber, the actress carried a dark Balenciaga bag and a Jamba Juice, she wore black tights, a green flannel shirt, a leather jacket, and a black baseball cap that said "Lola."
In the interest of respecting her embattled flack's call for privacy for her favorite client, we'll refrain from further commentary for now, but pledge to follow the story as it develops. We suspect that over the coming days there will plenty of new angles to discuss, such as the short-term economic impact a 28-day Lohan absence will have on the local nightlife industry, and hours of TMZ video footage to analyze, courtesy of the cameraman they've stationed at the recovery facility's perimeter, hoping to capture an escape attempt in progress.