Our Shocking Ignorance of Breast Friendship, Revealed

Yesterday we discussed our feeling that something in our lives was missing because our mother had never found us a breast friend—that is, another baby our age who she would've nursed while we were being nursed by our friend's mother—unlike Babble.com columnist Jennifer Baumgardner, who gave in to her friend Anastasia's wish that their children would know each woman like they knew their own mothers. In our childless ignorance, we had to admit that there was something vaguely lesbian pornarific about the whole thing, especially the way Baumgardner describes how Anastasia could "squirt milk into [her son] Lionel's mouth from several inches away, like a fountain." But then a tipster revealed that if we lived in Moscow, this whole thing wouldn't sound so strange.

Sayeth our tipster:

In Russia, a large percentage of the population is nursed by women other than their mums. Especially the Jewish kids. My mom just didn't have enough milk in her to nurse me. So she got her large breasted, non-Jewish, Russian friend to be my milk mother. And her son will forever be known as my milk brother. That's why the chick from your story that suggests the whole milking each other thing is named Anastasia. I mean that she's Russian which is why shit didn't seem gross to her. It don't seem gross to me yo.
And there you have it. Clearly, this whole time, we were imposing our own Western, American values system on a tradition that just isn't so weird. Yo.

Earlier: If Only We'd Had a Breast Friend, Life Would Be So Much Sweeter