"How will this software get my users laid?" Here's how.

"How will this software get my users laid?" Here's how.

NICK DOUGLAS — "Your 'use case' should be, there's a 22 year old college student living in the dorms. How will this software get him laid?" You know what's fun? Applying this maxim by hacker/programmer/nightclub owner Jamie Zawinski to every technology you can think of. Let's.

BitTorrent: Guy asks girl to watch movie. Guy downloads movie in two hours with BitTorrent. Guy and girl watch movie. Guy gets laid.

Wii: Guy upgrades from Nintendo 64. Guy suffers "Wii elbow." Guy soldiers on. Guy loses weight. Girl digs guy. Guy buys second controller. Girl trounces guy at Wii Tennis. Guy gets laid.

LiveJournal: Girl puts down razors. Girl picks up laptop. Girl blogs. Girl blogs. Girl updates mood. Guy IMs girl. Girl puts on best eyeliner, least-ripped black fishnets, meets up with guy. Girl gets laid.

iTunes: Guy and girl plunk down laptops in cafe. Girl connects to guy's iTunes. Guy changes iTunes library name to "Hey, are you that cute girl with the Dell?" She changes hers to "Yeah, you the boy with the giant smoothie?" "Yep. Try the Apples In Stereo. Good band." "Hey, you're pretty cute yourself. Got an extra seat at that table?" Guy gets laid.

Facebook: Guy talks to girl. Girl agrees to lay guy if he gets 150,000 group members. Guy forms group with self-explanatory title. Guy gets 150,000 group members (mostly guys). Guy gets laid.

LinkedIn: Girl grows out of Facebook, deletes profile to stop stupid guys from inviting her to groups named "If this group gets 150,000 members I'll get laid." Girl joins LinkedIn. Girl gets job. Girl meets guy at industry conference. Girl doesn't get his info. Girl finds him on LinkedIn. Girl gets laid.

Gmaps mobile: Guy heads to restaurant for date with girl. Guy gets lost. Guy looks up restaurant on phone. Guy finds date. Date goes well. Guy gets laid.

iPod: Girl sees guy on subway. Girl offers earbud (having, of course, discreetly wiped it off first). Guy and girl listen in stereo. Shins change guy's life. Girl gets laid.

OS X Dashboard widgets: Guy writes widget to say "Will you marry me?" Girl sees widget. Girl says yes. Guy gets laid forever.

So. You got one?