Team Cruise Clears Katie Holmes To Speak To The Media Again

Having satisfactorily completed the Celebrity Centre's rigorous, ten-week "My Life Is Great And I Am As Madly In Love As The Day I Signed My Contract: Level VII Post-Betrothal Communications" course, Scientology war bride Katie Holmes is being slowly reintroduced to the public, giving her first interview as Mrs. Tom Cruise to Harper's Bazaar:

"I have a husband and children that I adore. I have a career that I really love. When I sit back and reflect, it's - wow!" Holmes, 28, says in the March issue of Harper's Bazaar.
"I am very grateful. Tom makes me feel like the most beautiful woman in the world and has since the day I met him. I love being with him. I love calling him husband."

Even with the intensive media training she's received since the wedding, Holmes still has some trouble properly executing her Cruise-sanctioned soundbite. But after a handful of thetan-clearing taser jolts administered by her hovering handler, she was finally able to clear the speech-enturbulating tic from her reactive mind that induced her to mistakenly refer to her beloved as "master" rather than "husband" and complete the rest of the interview without incident.