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As you try to piece together how your prized beer helmet was shattered into a dozen pieces and which of your friends scribbled Peyton Manning's likeness on your genitals while you were passed out, ponder the simpler mystery represented by the weekend's box office numbers:

1. The Messengers—$14.5 million
Box office not-so-fun fact: According to Box Office Mojo, The Messengers' victory marks the seventh consecutive year that a Sony movie has taken Super Bowl weekend, and the third straight year that they've pooped out a horror movie (Boogeyman and When a Stranger Calls began the streak, if you must know) to take advantage of other studios' unwillingness to counterprogram the Big Game. Yay for triumph in the face of competitive ambivalence!

2. Because I Said So—$13.022 million

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Even though one can allegedly go to the multiplex and see a movie called Because I Said So, we're still not completely convinced it isn't just a gag Entourage writers whipped up to flesh out some if its "Mandy Moore" character's backstory.

3. Epic Movie—$8.225 million
4. Night at the Museum—$6.750 million
The less said about kicked-in-the-junk-centric spoof movies and Ben Stiller the better.

5. Smokin' Aces—$6.324 million
This is just one fun thing that a studio publicity department can do with a scathing review.