So, yes, Andy Christie's story of being surprised, on his birthday, by the notion that a younger woman might be attracted to his flabby self — only to be even more surprised, later, to find that she was just a decoy to lead him to his surprise birthday party — grossed us out. But then commenter TedSez pointed out that this installment of Mod Luv didn't just sound lame, it sounded lame in a familiar way. He pointed us to Snopes, the urban legends database, where we read this 1976 Ann Landers column. The story's a bit different — it concerns a boss and his comely secretary, it being 1976 and all — but the gist is shockingly similar:
I woke up feeling a little depressed because it was my birthday and I thought, "another year older," but decided to make the best of it. So I showered and shaved, knowing when I went down to breakfast my wife would greet me with a big kiss and say "Happy birthday, dear." All smiles, I went into breakfast and there sat my wife reading the newspaper as usual. She didn't say one word. So I got myself a cup of coffee and thought to myself, "Oh well, she just forgot." The kids will be down in a few minutes all cheery, and they will sing Happy Birthday and have a nice gift for me. There Nothing but my socks! I sat, enjoying my coffee, and I waited. Finally the kids came running in, yelling, "Give me a slice of toast! I'm late! And where is my coat! I'm going to miss the bus!" Feeling more depressed than ever I left for the office. When I walked into the office my secretary greeted me with a nice smile and a "Happy birthday, Boss," and said, "I'll get you some coffee." Her remembering made me feel a lot better. Later in the morning my secretary knocked on my office door and said, "Since it's your birthday, why don't we have lunch together?" Thinking it would make me feel better I said, "That's a good idea." So we locked up the office and since it was my birthday I said, "Why don't we drive out of town and have lunch in the country instead of going to the usual place?" So we drove out of town and went to a little out-of-the-way place and had a couple of martinis and a nice lunch, and started driving back to town when my secretary said, "Why don't we go by my place, and I'll fix you another martini?" It sounded like a good idea since we didn't have anything to do in the office anyway. So we went to her apartment and she fixed us both a martini and after a while she said, "If you will excuse me, I think I'll slip into something more comfortable," and she left the room. In six minutes she opened her bedroom door and came out carrying a big birthday cake, and following her was my wife and all my kids, and there I sat with nothing on but my socks.
Next week in Modern Love: How The Escaped Convict With The Hook Scratching On The Roof Of The Car Brought Us Closer.
Birthday Suited [Snopes]