Our favorite Assimilated Negro—The Assimilated Negro (pictured, hotly, at right)—was feeling a bit lonely as St. Valentine's Day approached. He figured he might feel out of place at the n+1 gathering on Saturday, for
melatoninmelanin [sorry, we're a little sleep-deprived ourselves]-related reasons, and thus turned to us for help. He's got a V-Day reservation at the White Castle on 103rd and 1st (Spanish Harlem! Edgy!), but no one to enjoy his "slyders" with. Won't you be TAN's Valentine?
All you have to do is send one short paragraph to email@example.com about what you've done for the good of black people. It is Black History Month, after all! Oh, and include your age, industry, gender (he's an equal opportunity dater for one night only), and race. Obviously. And one more thing: You will be chaperoned, probably by a photographer. You know what that means.