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While last Valentine's Day for Ralph Fiennes was spent rather unromantically separating from his longtime spouse after she discovered he was taking non-singing vocal lessons from a Romanian chanteuse, one year later, the caddish actor and his wandering loins find him embroiled in the sort of "sex scandal" that gets you nothing but a round of high-fives from the crew:

A QANTAS flight attendant faces the sack after being accused of having sex with British actor Ralph Fiennes in an aircraft toilet while flying from Australia to India. [...]

Qantas staff who were aware of the incident said last night the couple were caught after crew members waited outside the toilet.

In a statement lodged with her employer, [Lisa] Robertson denied the allegations.

While conversing with Mr Fiennes during my break, I expressed a need to go to the toilet,'' Ms Robertson said in her statement.

"I went to the nearby toilet and entered it, he followed me and entered the same toilet.

"I explained to him that this was inappropriate and asked him to leave. Mr Fiennes became amorous towards me and, after a short period of time, I convinced him to leave the toilet, which he did."

Robertson's entire statement is available here—a must-read for the erotic denial fetishists among you—though, at over 1500 words, wethinks the stewardess lady doth protest too much. Despite her longwinded explanations to the contrary, however, it will be hard for her to counter the eyewitness testimony of her co-workers—particularly the fellow flight attendant whom Robertson, eager to share her exciting new secret, approached while stocking the drink cart and whispered, "You're not going to believe this, but I just played 'catch the Golden Snitch' with Lord Voldemort at 30,000 feet!"