David Seaman To Ned Vizzini: Douch!

As we delved into the "Ned Vizzini looks for a female assistant on Craigslist" scandal, one tipster's email stood out from the rest. David Seaman is the "author" (we're thinking "compiler" is probs more accurate, but hey, you be the judge!) of The Real Meaning of Life, an anthology of random messageboard postings on that topic. He just wanted to make sure we had all the info before we judged Ned too harshly.

1. He has a serious girlfriend (the request for a 'Female' is agreeably wrong in the 21st century, but probably based on a sexist image in my mind of a male assistant turning out to be some jealous slob who reads Tucker Max... a chick would be less likely to envy Ned's success.)

2. He uses text messaging in a unique way to keep up with people. If you need a blurb for a book or movie you're involved with, and you text Ned at 3am, he'll text you back thirty seconds later with something brilliant.

3. Fuck it, I'm not going to list any more of these bullet points. If I were trolling for a personal assistant, I would probably prefer a woman also (although I wouldn't state it, or necessarily turn down a guy who really had his shit together). I'd prefer a smiling Anne Hathaway assistant any day of the week over some overly ambitious Aleksey Vayner.

We wrote back, thanking David for his insights, and he responded thusly: "So how would we go about working in a subtle plug for me on Gawker?" Well, David, we imagine it would go a little something like this.

Earlier: Ned Vizzini is The Craigslist Park Slope Novelist