Newly Bald Britney Spears Makes Tragically Unfashionable Cry For Help In The Valley

Since we kicked off for the weekend, recent rehab window-shopper Britney Spears did two of the following three things upon her return to L.A.:

1. Visited a salon in Tarzana [Ed.note—Really, Britney? Tarzana?] and asked that they shave her head. When the request was refused, Spears grabbed the clippers and began to liberate her skull from the oppression of her flowing, chemically damaged locks.

2. Went to a tattoo parlor in Sherman Oaks, where she had a cross etched on her hip and a pair of lips inked on her wrist, demonstrating that even a meltdown cannot override the part of her brain responsible for always maintaining her white-trash aesthetic.

3. Drove back over the hills to Cedars Sinai, where she demanded to be immediately taken to the "angel department." When a nurse politely informed her there was no such place at their facility, Spears calmly corrected her, stating that she had an appointment to have a pair of beautiful cherub's wings implanted on her shoulder blades, which she would then use to fly up to Heaven to make sure that someone remembered to feed the baby Jesus.

We'll leave it up to you to follow the links below to discover which of these events actually occurred. You might be surprised!

[Photo: Hollywood Thoughts]