If we were even slightly lamer than we are, we would start this post by saying "Freeze! Put your hands in the air...if you LOVE Reno 911!" But we're not that lame. We, like, totally rule. So we won't say that. We'll just mention that it's not every day that someone makes a movie based on a TV show without at least having Ben Stiller or Owen Wilson involved, so we were very excited to see that Reno 911!: Miami, coming out this Friday, was completely Stillson free. It's also not every day that you get to see the host of Clean House walking down Miami beach in a Baywatch one-piece and a fat suit. Style Network, HOLLA! After the jump, Kate photographs the Tribeca Cinema Series screening of Reno 911!: Miami, and Gabriel Delahaye does not review the movie.

A few weeks ago, Alex Blagg suggested that we do a party crash together in what he called "Double Dragon" style. I don't remember in which level of Double Dragon one of the fighters just doesn't bother showing up, leaving the other one, who has a serious head cold, to go it alone, but whichever level that is, it's apparently Alex Blagg's favorite fucking level.

Not only am I sitting alone, we're not actually allowed to review the movie. And while I doubt Michael Ian Black (two rows back, four seats down), and Kevin Allison (one row back, five seats down) are going to be pirating DVDs—not to mention Kerri Kenney-Silver's brother, father, and step-mother (right behind me)—there are ushers walking up and down the aisle all during the screening with night vision goggles to make sure no one is secretly videotaping. It kind of feels like movie night in Birkenau, you know, except with cable celebrities and free popcorn.

Since I can't review it, here's how IMDB summarizes the 1989 movie, Turner and Hooch:

Scott Turner has 3 days left in the local police department before he moves to a bigger city to get some "real" cases, not just misdemeanors. Then Amos Reed is murdered, and Scott Turner sets himself on the case. The closest thing to a witness in the case is Amos Reed's dog, Hooch, which Scott Turner has to take care of if it's going to avoid being "put to sleep".

After the movie, the whole cast comes out in costume and in character, trailed by a camera crew. It is the first time I experience being filmed for the special features of a DVD, but unlike special features it is not a boring waste of time. Also unlike special features, I cannot pause it to go pee, which I have to do so bad. At least at Turner and Hooch—or really any movie with either a dog or Tom Hanks in the lead role—you could just walk out and never look back. I'm still supposed to go to the post screening reception next door. Did I mention my head cold? I've got fluids backed up all over the place.

Speaking of which, if you want to have some fun, try mixing DayQuil and whiskey and then asking Paul Rudd if Kate can take his picture for your "website." That shit is hilarious. Anyway, it's really not my scene to be at a party fully of funny, talented people who worked really hard to get where they are and aren't just pretentious media assholes with no idea how little they actually mean to the world, so after shoving a couple more baby hamburgers and bird's nests full of macaroni and cheese into my mouth, I put on my denim vest, grab my nunchucks, and a-b-a-b-left-right-start my way back into the Forest of Death to take on the Black Warriors. Single player.

Team Party Crash: "Reno 911!: Miami" Premiere @ Tribeca Cinemas Gallery [photos]