We don't want to spoil the surprise too much, but this week's Blue States Lose, everyone's favorite survey of hipster party photography, may or may not introduce a recurring character who appears in the scrum of The Cobrasnake and Last Night's Party. Has Alex Blagg found a replacement for the much missed One Half Nelson? The answer is after the jump.
10.The Cobrasnake. Art Craft Spaceship photo #2923: This kid's been showing up on The Cobrasnake for months now and I've never liked it, but it's time to call to Child Services. For serious. And before you get all, "He's just a kid running around naked and having a good time!", why don't you peep out the Nambla posse he's rolling with. [WARNING: NSFW. Or anywhere, probably.]
9.Misshapes. February 17th, 2007 photo #026: Have you ever wanted to play hackeysack with somebody's face?
8. The Cobrasnake. Vegas United photo #6567: This was the last photograph taken of this playa, as minutes later he was tragically gunned down during a turf war with a roving crew of gangsta Belle & Sebastian fans.
7. The Cobrasnake. No Socks No Problem photo #2676: Has this whole hipster thing finally made its way down to the Smoky Mountains? Is the world even capable of withstanding douchebag inbreeding? This picture terrifies me for our future.
6. The Cobrasnake. No Socks No Problem photo #2601: I bet even the most idiotic ironic clothing-loving hiptards at this party were just like, "Dude...no."
5. The Cobrasnake. No Socks No Problem photo #2535: Sure, those Other Music record store cliches are pretentious twats when you're just trying to pick up a Cat Stevens record, but boy do they ever light up a party.
4. The Cobrasnake. Vegas United photo #6485: I love it when girls dress as dumb as they look.
3. Misshapes. February 17th, 2007 photo #012: You know, ever since One Half Nelson mysteriously disappeared around the time I took over this column (coincidence?), I've been seeking a suitable replacement for his unique brand of amazing. This guy's been on my radar for weeks, and I'm finally giving in - he's the second coming. What he lacks in flamboyance and panache, he more than makes up for in pure, unfettered retardation. I know that word gets bandied about quite a bit in these parts, but seriously, this guy looks like a mentally retarded person. His clothes, his hair, his features - they're all perfect. I've decided that he shall henceforth be referred to as Little Scotty Mouthbreath.
2. Misshapes. February 17th, 2007 photo #011: If the trashbag doesn't getcha, the eyeball lasers will.
1. Misshapes. February 17th, 2007 photo #106: You know how you're always seeing these hordes of pretentious hipster failed artists and you're just like, "where the fuck do you people come from?" Well, I've figured it out. Koala bears shit them out onto the Don Hills floor.