The Devil's Dictionary: True definitions of "vlog" and other termsNICK DOUGLAS — Vlog: To stare into a dark hole after too much vodka and project things at it which no one likes to see. Below are more technical terms re-defined.
  • Folksonomy: A definition system by which the language's most important word becomes "porn."
  • A+++: A derogatory term on eBay.
  • Meme: An idea best expressed on a bumper sticker.
  • Monetize: To suck the life from.
  • Gamma: Still broken after three tries.
  • Ajax: A warrior too powerful to work on your phone.
  • Bandwidth: A measure of data transfer with three major plateaus: naughty pictures, naughty videos, and naughty webcams.
  • Live search: Search that gives results before you ask for something else.
  • Standards-compliant: The web equivalent of "Yeah, but she sure can cook."
  • Prosumer: An amateur with $3,000 to burn.
  • Hack: Archaic: To compromise secret data through a series of ingenious exploitations of computer software, hardware, and user psychology. Current: To stick index cards and a pen in your pocket.
  • BlackBerry: A device for communicating to friends that you'd rather be with other friends.
  • Long tail: The mass of products that sell ten times the units the distributor expected, and one tenth the units than the creator expected.
  • Information worker: The reason that every hour at the cafe costs you $10 and makes the guy behind you $60.
  • Bluetooth: A technology akin to shortening a USB cord, stripping the insulation, and mashing the ends with a hammer.