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We'll save you five minutes of reading and give you the Very Important Lesson from today's Scriptland column (motto: "Laboring under the illusion that screenwriters are people, too, since September 2006!") in the LAT about the plucky crusade of a writing team to save their opus from a straight-to-DVD fate: Before you decide to start burning your bridges by publicly complaining about the lack of respect your Jenny McCarthy-featuring, Wiener Wagon-based work of road-trip comedy genius is receiving from the studio that refuses to pay for an expensive theatrical release, ask your agent why he neglected to mention that the executive who bought the script kept using the phrase, "ultimate Blockbuster date night movie" during contract negotiations.