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A recent letter to Slate agony aunt columnist Emily Yoffe starts out as a stunner and just continues to build. It is the fakest thing we've ever seen. Unmarried cat lady seeks help!

I'm a 46-year-old unmarried Caucasian woman. I live alone with my three cats, whom I love dearly. My friends always pick on me because I love cats but haven't managed to find a man who shares this love with me. Sometimes I feel very alone, although I have my cats. I feel like my friends are talking about me behind my back all the time! I'm very content with my current lack of love, but I sometimes worry that my friends aren't. They are all happily married with children. I feel as though I'm left out of everything since I haven't gotten married and had kids. Because of this, I'm thinking of adopting an African baby. Although I feel that I would love this child as much as I love my cats, sometimes I wonder if the only reason I'm considering adopting is to fit in with my friends. What should I do?

If you're scoring at home, Yoffe advises getting both an African baby and an African cat, but whatever, how funny is the question in the first place? We know more than a few crazy cat ladies (we co-edit with one!) but none this crazy. 'Fess up, WFMU kids, this was you, right? Close to You [Slate]