Ad Hoc Altarcations: 'New York Post' Weddings

Each Monday, Intern Alexis uses a rigorous, super-scientific scale to rank the happy pair-bonds cemented in the previous weekend's Times wedding announcements. But surely, the Times can't contain all the nuptial bliss to be experienced in the metro area. Ergo, the Post's new weddings section! As one might suspect, though, Post couples don't quite lend themselves to the same sort of, well, systematicity as the Times crowd. It's almost like there are real Americans living amongst us in New York! Thus, a more flexible scale is in order—one which takes into consideration differences in, say, life experience. And body type.

Melissa Castillo and Peter Boneta

  • Castillo is an "immigration and tax service agent": +3.5
  • Boneta is a police officer:+10 (the bravest!)
  • First dance is to Michael Buble's "That's All": -3
  • Boneta hid the engagement ring in a yummy Easter basket. But "it took a little coaxing to have Castillo find something even sweeter than chocolate" in it. "'My mom nudged me a little bit, I opened it up and found the ring,' Castillo remembers.": +24


    Ad Hoc Altarcations: 'New York Post' WeddingsAdela Ndoi and Alfred Lalaj

  • Ndoi is a ripe 18 years old: +12
  • Met when Lalaj dropped by Ndoi's workplace, a Dunkin' Donuts: +4
  • Wedding song is "Unchained Melody": +10
  • Groom has gorgeous bright red eyes: +4
  • Married at Manhattan City Clerk's office, but that'll be followed by "a lavish ceremony in Albania" : +4.5


    Debra Ervais and Jeffrey Stella

  • Both Manhattanites: -4
  • Ervais is 40; Stella is 44: -5
  • Reception was "a stand-up dinner, with highlights such as lobster bisque and caramelized tiramisu profiteroles": -6.5
  • Guests made to sing Bob Marley's "One Love" as the couple walked down the aisle: +50


    Cristina Villoresi and Americo Pietropaulo

  • Fifteen total syllables in the couple's names: +15
  • Americo is not originally from America (Italy): +14.5
  • Groom worked for bride's dad: +20
  • Villoresi is a financial analyst; Pietropaulo is a TV producer: -15

    Ha! Would you look at that? It turns out all four couples scored a 34.5 . Everybody wins! (Please don't hurt us.)

    Featured Weddings [NYP]