A Big Week For CAA!


We've been waiting for the perfect moment to share the above, stunning, reader-supplied fan art depicting the CAA Death Star turning its particle cannons on ICM's inferior new headquarters (please notice the wonderful grace notes of the tiny Kevin Huvane and Jeff Berg photos adorning their respective fortresses), and given this morning's various reports on the evil agenting monolith's latest strides toward Hollywood hegemony, we might as well put it up now.

Late yesterday, word surfaced that CAA trained its poaching tractor beams on rivals Endeavor and ICM, extracting Babel director Alejandro Gonzalez Inarritu and V for Vendetta's James McTeigue, who now are safely floating in animation-suspending glass vats in a sub-basement of their new agency's stronghold until they're attached to huge commission-generating projects. And this morning, THR announces that they've also placed prized client Cate Blanchett in the cast of surefire blockbuster Fourth Installment of the Indiana Jones Adventures—a film helmed, of course, by CAA über-earner Steven Spielberg—a strategic move that that agency hopes gives it enough leverage to threaten to shut down the entire project unless star Harrison Ford agrees to immediately defect from UTA. Once in their greedy grasp, they'll immediately negotiate the aging action star into a lucrative commitment to Indiana Jones 5-12, despite the fact Ford likely won't survive past the eighth sequel.

While this latest round of news concerning CAA's relatively unimpeded march through Hollywood is certainly dispiriting, there is some hope today: We're told that most of the agency is away on a weekend retreat in Ojai, leaving the Death Star defended solely by some call-rolling drones; now is clearly the time for rebel forces to strike, while CAA's leaders are off complacently celebrating their latest victories by gnawing on decadently battered, plump baby legs at infinity-poolside, dreaming of the refreshing full-body money-wrap their bosses have arranged for them later this afternoon.