Ad Hoc Altarcations: Wanna Get Chinese After?

Each Monday, Intern Alexis uses a rigorous scale to rank the happy pair-bonds cemented in the Times wedding announcements. But surely, the Times can't contain all the nuptial bliss to be experienced in the metro area. Ergo, the Post's weddings section, where the couples require a more flexible scale that can take into consideration differences in, say, life experience, and body type.

This week, we meet a lot of foreigners, and among them discover one couple so confident in their longevity that they're planning a follow-up wedding in Japan that will take place a few years down the line. Click through for this week's scores, along with a bit of pee humor, some Chinese food, and one pair of jobbers who really shouldn't have come across to this side of the tracks.

Luis Teixeira and Esther Silva

  • Got married at City Hall and had lunch in Chinatown afterwards: +15
  • For the wedding, he wore a shirt and jacket and she wore a "simple beige dress": +2.5
  • They already have a daughter: +15

    Total: 32.5

    Kelli Ann Beshai and William Stromnes

  • Both from Staten Island: +5
  • Met on a blind date arranged by their families: +5
  • Had their wedding at the Ponce Hilton Golf and Casino Resort in Puerto Rico: +.5
  • After reading their vows on the beach, they took their first dance together to the sound of Bon Jovi's "Thank You For Loving Me": +10
  • Gave out "seashell-shaped salt and pepper shakers" as favors to the 60 people who attended their wedding: +15

    Total: 35.5

    Kate Dawson and Jed Cohen

  • Met at a musical-theater acting class: -15
  • She is an actress and a singer; he is the president of a real estate brokerage firm in Manhattan: -20
    Served "chive-wrapped fusion duck rolls and autumn squash bisque" at the wedding reception: -5
  • He surprised her with a surprise honeymoon trip to Paris as they drove home from the wedding ceremony: -5

    Total: -45 (What, the New York Times didn't have room for you? Oh wait, THEY DID. Turns out "Jedediah" went to Harvard for astronomy and astrophysics, sang in an a cappella group called the fucking Krokodiloes, and played Rod McAllister in Home Alone and Home Alone 2. Stay in your lane, you goddamn purples!)

    Angela Hsiao and Ryan Paul

  • Met when he beat her at blackjack at a "casino-themed fundraiser" in 2002: +2.5
  • Hsiao is a director of demand planning at Simon & Schuster: -20

    Total: -17.5

    Nicole Mastrantonakis and Narumi Yoshida

  • On their first date, he had to pay off the owner of a deli so that she could use their toilet: +15
  • Married at City Hall, but plan two more ceremonies: an "intimate" one with close friends in
  • June and a "really big wedding in Japan in a few years": +10 (for having so much faith in the future)

    Total: 25

    Winner: Kelli Ann and William and their delightful seashell salt shakers, though Luis and Esther came close. On a related note: how much better would it be if newspapers did this for divorces? Something to think about, editors.