Yesterday marked the publication of the sophomore College Humor-branded literary effort, a guide to faking one's way through adulthood. To celebrate, the boys threw a party at the bar of Hotel QT, which has a great gimmick: the glass-walled room adjacent to the bar contains a little swimming pool. (It's a venue we know all too well.) There's no requirement that swimmers wear actual bathing suits—in fact, diving in in your underwear is encouraged. And you can bring your drink in the pool, because the bar is stocked with plastic cups—the classy thick kind of plastic, not the kind you'd see at a keg party or something. Hotel QT is cheesy, sure, but also so wild and crazy and sort of decadent. All that Sex and The City watching paid off for the College Humor boys.
Last night, the boys were all wearing matching astronaut suits, as was Playboy writer Deb Shoeneman, who seemed to have elected herself the kids' naughty babysitter. Why astronaut suits? "I want to go to Mars. I've already been to the moon, but I haven't been to Mars yet," explained College Humor tyke Ricky Van Veen, who was maybe on something.
Maybe everyone was on something. Why else were so many people there? It pretty clearly had nothing to do with the book, which was nowhere to be seen. Maybe it was the hot chicks! There were at least three of them cavorting in the pool. Were they hot, though? It was a matter of some debate. One person said the Asian one was the hottest. Another pointed out a teenaged brunette with a truly admirable ass. No one pointed out Sarah Schneider, who was splashing around in an athletic halter bikini as she alternated between trying to dunk her pasty, flabby College Humor colleagues and joining them in an odd kind of dance. You know the dance where you smack an imaginary ass that's in front of you? That one. She happily got out of the pool and clambered up the stadium-style stone steps to answer some questions about what it's like to be the only girl at College Humor.
"Actually, I'm not the only girl in the office. There are like five or six other girls," Sarah said, then clarified that these girls were in advertising or something. Sarah is a writer. She writes for College Humor about, among other things, scoring catfights ("hair pulling +1)." Sarah said that she definitely doesn't consider herself a feminist, but before she got a chance to explain exactly why she thinks men and women shouldn't be equal in the eyes of the law, a man had emerged, dripping, from the pool in order to try to get Sarah back in the water. He put his hand on Sarah's knee, sort of on her upper thigh, and tugged gently. "That's Josh, our intern! He's so great," said Sarah. "Sarah's great!" said Josh. "Sometimes we worry when we make dude jokes, because we think she'll be offended. But she never is." "These guys are like my brothers," said Sarah, and got back in the pool.
A few minutes later, a very young girl in a very small, fashion-y black one-piece pulled herself out of the water. She scanned the room quickly. Though the open bar had ended, the photographers were still there in the corner. She rooted through a pile of clothes and towels near the water's edge, searching for something. A few moments later, she was strutting across the room towards the stairs to the bar, teetering on the slick stone in pair of black patent stillettos that matched her suit perfectly. She walked past a man trying to push his fat friend into the water and another man who was drunkenly inhaling a slice of pizza. The girl in the black bathing suit didn't trip, but she sure wobbled badly.