Each week, thousands of reader comments are rejected by our sharp-eyed hall monitor Intern Kaila. In this installment of Mold Star Motel, Kaila recognizes that there are identifiable patterns, repetitions — nay, archetypes - for rejected commenters, and that maybe, just maybe, we can see a little bit of ourselves and our tendencies in some of them. See if you stack up:
- You are struggling to be accepted:
Re: Gawker Comments: The How & Why: does that firecrotch with the horn get her ish posted? my comments never do, and i went to j-school for fuck's sake.
- You are heading down the wrong path:
Re: Lindsay's Diary: Leaves of Lohan: hi lindsay you are my idle i av loved you since i first new you were on tele oh how i wish i could see you but i guess my life is just the same as everyone else a regular person who cant always get what they want but i have never got what i want i really do wish that this thing that i want will come true you really are my idle i may only be 12 but i know what i want and i really want to meet you i hope you read this soona and hopfully get back too me but i do wish
from your biggest fan (no joke) [redacted].
- You are looking for a job:
Re: Diane Sawyer Needs a New BFF: If Mrs. Sawyer needs someone to "share the couch", I will do it. I was planning on breaking into the world of t.v. journalism anyway. I bet the job pays better too. I am thinking of taking a philosophy course at the community college in the Spring, but after that, I am free to fill in until you find a permanant replacement. Let me know.
- You want to
lureoffer people a job:
Re: Shocker: Forbes Recommends Trophy Wives: New docu-reality tv pilot is casting women who love their careers outside the home, and their husbands who want them to be stay-at-home moms. This pilot will NOT air. For more details, email your story and contact info to: [redacted]. Hurry—casting this week!
- You hate us so much you just had to tell us:
Re: Gossip Roundup: Fashion Week Just Too Pretty for Bryant Park: You complain about the location of a fashion tent, and then you hope someone who's concerned about genocide in Darfur will shut the f#ck up. Thank you for that perfect summation of why this blog is the most idiotic, self-important piece of shit on the planet.
Re: God Allows 'Vice' Co-Founder to Breed: She is FUCKING GLOWING after 18 hours of child birth you miserable shits! Did you take a break from farting on a retarted child just to post a hateful comment. I hope all your babies are stillborn. Now that's what I call well directed hate.
Re: Gawker Gift Guide: A Vincent Gallo Dickin': He's just another amusing fraud, like P daddy, puff diddy, or sean puffy combs.
outside of paying loads of attention to no talent hacks, why exactly would gawker.com exist?
you should all be on your knees in front of his stunt double's cock.
Re: Who Are The Ad Wizards Who Came Up With This One?: What joyful comments from a bunch of talentless ex-creative wannabes. Clearly you have nothing better to do between stints standing in the unemployment lines besides posting your worthless commentary. Merry-Fucking-Christmas, shit heals.
- You have thought more about Elisabeth Hasselbeck than anyone ever should:
Re: Elisabeth Hasselbeck Loses Her Shit: this board is stupid...It says 'post a comment' and then after one spends time typing it out...THEN it tells you, if you are a new user it MIGHT post if it's 'funny' or 'interesting' enough?...
And who is suppose to judge that?...
Didn't think that was a 'hissy fit', or a 'freak out'...Just looked like she was passionate about her point of view...And I had no problem with a little waving of hands, some people do that when they get involved in speaking up - So What?...
Right wing drivel? I guess the only view point liberals see is their own. And is there any bigger left wing psycho out there than baa-bwa? By the way, Cudoos to liz for standing up to her liberal, the lesbian and the has been co-hosts. Time for Liz to get her own show!
I always wondered where the dumbest people on the planet posted notes— I've found it right here!!!! in looking at comments by left wing hacks concerning Elizabeth Hasselback.
IT IS UNBELIEVABLE HOW MANY LIBERALS POST NOTHING BUT UNEDUCATED SHIT ON THIS BLOG. WHILE ELISABETH MAY NOT BE WELL SPOKEN WHILE ENRAGED WITH MORALITY AND DECENCY. I CAN ONLY WONDER HOW MANY ABORTIONS ALL THE BLOGGERS ON THIS SITE HAVE HAD. AND HOW MANY HAVE HAD MULTIPLE ABORTIONS. I AM CLASSIFYING AN ABORTION BY TAKING THE MORNING AFTER PILL. THIS IS A DANGEROUS DRUG WHICH WAS USED TO TREAT AND KILL CANCER, SO WE SHOULD LET A 12 YEAR OLD PUT THIS LETHAL SHIT IN HER BODY. SHE COULD GIVE IT UP TO MADONNA AND RETURN MADONNAS NEW ONE BACK TO THE FATHER WHERE THE CHILD BELONGS. MADONNA COULD DONATE ENOUGH MONEY TO FEED AND TAKE CARE OF THAT VILLAGE FOR 100 YEARS. YET SHE TAKES A HELPLESS MANS CHILD. SHE IS TRASH SO IS THE ALL LIBERAL VIEW - ELISABETH. YOU ALL SHOULD HAVE BEEN ABORTIONS THEN WE WOULDN'T HAVE TO READ AND HEAR YOUR BULLSHIT.
GEORGE IS MY PRESIDENT
I'M SURE YOU WON'T ALLOW MY COMMENTS BECAUSE YOU ARE ALL HUGE MARXISTS LIBERALS THAT WILL GET US ALL ATTACKED ON OUR SOIL. YOU ONLY HAVE 2 YEARS , YOUR PARTY WILL SCREW IT UP.
- You are creepily obsessed with Nick Denton's comings and goings:
Re: Being a History of the Meatpacking District: FYI: the Pastis VIP number is (212)-625-8665. tell them that you're nick denton, who (living on [redacted address]) is a balthazar breakfast regular.
- You refuse to accept the truth about Suri Cruise:
Re: Again With The Suri Cruise Photos: Well, your all so very rude! This is a little innocent baby.. and your so cruel about the way she looks. She looks like them and she is very beautiful. She does not look Asian. She has stunning blue eyes and she looks like a beautiful combination of both of them. Stop being so cruel about Suri. You wouldn't be saying these things if Tom hadn't been so wierd this past year(OPRAH for example).
Re: Suri: The Photo You Won't See in 'Vanity Fair': Imagine this, Tom Cruise goes on a tirade about the ills and evils of the pharmaceutical industry and psychiatry and all of sudden we have world wide corporate culture Cruise character assasination all of which is mindlessly followed by you Goyim (Sheep). Have you questioned why every one in America has become a collective drug persuing personality. Perhaps it's the crap being shoveled down your throats from commercial television. Take another antidepressant America. Suri is not your kid but an innocent child. Leave her alone you DRUG HEADS.
Suri may grow out of this whole crazed zombie baby looking thing to grow up to be a hot piece of xenu worshipping twat.
definitely asian, possibly mongoloid.
- You resort to threats:
Re: This Week in Commenter Executions: Fine. I was sick of my username too. I'll reincarnate myself and you won't even recognize me! You'll see...someday...
- You are, unfortunately, extremely concerned about Jared Leto:
Re: Jared Leto Will Take All You Bloggers Down. And Elijah Wood too: so this piece of shit website only lets u rip on people nice fuckin bullshit
I like 30 seconds to mars! I think their music is really great! AND I have actually meet a couple of band members and they are deciently nice guys!!! they did not have to bs and answer all the million ?'s me and my friend had but they did and they were really nice and honest and just normal joes. So all of u that r ripping on them I am sure u have never had the opportunity to hang out with them or u r such a spaz they gave u the cold shoulder in fear of their lives!!!!!
Re: Lindsay Lohan Sporting Jared Leto's Plastic Engagement Ring?: dude this chick lindsay lohan yeh i know her but she is no where near good enough for Jared Leto he is just the Best
Re: Gawker Stalker: Jared Leto: Actor, Musician, Weirdo: umm the first story about jared leto yeah look alot of ppl get drunk and high it is the way of life and if you were rich and famous you would probably do it to!!!!!!so yeah and besides he is hott!!!!!!!!!lol
- You reveal another side of yourself:
SUCK MY WWEEEEENNNNIEEEEEEEEE
John Kerry supports the troops. Word!
- You offer way too much information:
Re: OMG Britney Sex Tape OMG!!!!! (Probably/Maybe.): Someone teach that girl how to suck a dick, PLEEEEEEEEEEEAS....and we think celebrities are having great sex! No wonder they are all getting divorced! What was she in, a lick the tip contest??? Are you supposed to see that much dick during a blow job??? Bury it Brit. Bury it or switch to pussy.
Re: Kleenex Personality Assessment Tells Women What They Really Don't Want to Hear: my vagina likes transparency pink when it's crying and cocoa berries blue for those other special times.
Re: Gawker Comments: The How & Why: I have a rash the size of Katie Holmes head on my ass, it itches - any comments?
- You are clearly (self-)delusional:
Re: Alex Kuczynski's Amazon Adventure Continues: What, where, when, how, why, who???
"Living well is the best revenge", and if Alex K is living with Charles Stevenson at 740 Park, she is certainly "living well"...even if she does "work" for a living.
"Living well is the best revenge", and if Alex K is living with Charles Stevenson at 740 Park, she is certainly "living well"
"Living well is the best revenge" and if Alex K. is living with Charles Stevenso at 740 Park, she is certainly "living well"
"Living well is the best revenge",
and if Alex K. is living at 740 Park with Charles Stevenson, she's certainly "living well"
[Note: These last four were all sent by the same person over the course of several hours. - Ed.]
- You are observant:
Re: Remainders: At Least We Never Dated Eric Schaeffer, Unlike All of You: Jews do it with kosher penis's
- You are probably not Neel Shah:
Re: 'BBC': Indian Men Have Tiny Dicks. Neel Shah: "No Comment.": you fuck ass how bout your own dick. My name is motherfukin neel shah bitch and i hit yo momma last night so fuck you bitch ass!
- You haven't been around long:
Re: Ghetto Pass: The Ghetto Chinese Spot: is gawker.com run by jews?
- You "get" us:
Re: Stop Quoting Borat, Or We Will Never Make Sexytime To You Again: so many faggots commenting i dont know where to begin