Tonight's guest coach on American Idol is Gwen Stefani, who, we anticipate, will come to rue the day she besmirched her resume by joining the same mentoring program that until now has been occupied by plastic-surgery-disaster musical relics like Kenny Rogers, Barry Manilow, and some guy from Herman's Hermits. Our stereo-hogging cousins over at Idolator, however, have found rumors on an American Idol fans' message board suggesting Stefani is already deeply regretting her involvement in the monolithic karoake contest, dreading the thought of one of her beloved No Doubt compositions finding its way onto "Sanjaya's Greatest Butchered Hits."
"Sanjaya Malakar - He wanted to sing "Spoiler". She tried to get him to sing some 80's song. He said he was a big fan and he really wanted to do one of her songs. Gwen was upfront with him and told him she didn't think he could pull it off but gave him the benefit of the doubt. Today after seeing how rehearsals were going, she didnt' see any progress. She went to Nigel immediately and told him she does not want Sanjaya singing one of her songs whatsoever. Sanjaya didn't have many options at that point. He kind of got stuck with "Spoiler". This caused a big scene at the studio and was the talk all afternoon."
To clear up any confusion, while "Spoiler" sounds a lot like a No Doubt song title, it is in fact just a courtesy censoring of the actual, doomed song, rumored by another Idol fan site to be "Bathwater." (Sorry, Fanjayas! You don't fall under the jurisdiction of our "no spoilers" policy.) If the tipoff is true, we can hardly wait to see how Malakar tackles the "Return of Saturn" track, with lyrics like, "Cause I still love to wash in your old bathwater/Share a toothbrush..youre my kind of man" sure to take on all new senses of gender-bending artistry as he urgently flips his Farrah-do and spreads a toothy grin for the cameras, as if every gnarled note meant the difference between Idol life or death.