On last night's edition of American Idol, pony-hawked karaoke incubus Sanjaya Malakar, did not, as we hoped he might, sprout enormous bat wings halfway through his pitch-raping rendition of "Bathwater," snatch a scandalized Gwen Stefani from the side of the stage, and ascend to the rafters, where he would hungrily gnaw at her flesh as hundreds of terrified audience members stampeded from the room, hoping to absorb some of her pop-star essence for his own nefarious use on subsequent performances.
No, this week the Destroyer of Popular Music was content to leech energy from the soul of the doomed woman who's slowly starving herself to death in a brave effort to resist his campaign of unspeakable evil and just go about his off-key business, failing to even repeat last week's Satanic parlor trick of assuming the form of a feather-haired Medusa who can paralyze little girls with uncontrollable sobs. We're not interested in making any of you relive last night's horror, but we will pass along the clip delivered to our inbox, which shows how Malakar built up his strength for his demonic mission by feasting upon the souls of the faithful entranced by his interpretation of beloved spirituals.
- Sanjaya's Chariot [YouTube]
- Previously: Gwen Stefani Suggests Sanjaya Tackle An Instrumental This Week [Defamer]