Those early adopters who, after reading today's Thrillist's writeup of Fresh Meats—a service that will come to your house and slaughter and prepare whatever creature lower on the food chain than yourself—went out and bought a thousand little bunnies will have to find another use for them. Responders who email for an appointment with "Fresh Meats" will receive an email that dashes all hopes of a bloody foodie Schlachthof F nf in one's bathtub.
It's sad. We think the next big thing in New York should be home-slaughter! But here's the email from a certain Gil Boston (firstname.lastname@example.org):
Unfortunately, we've been forced to temporarily suspend our service due to overwhelming interest. And the fact that Fresh Meats is a sophomoric April Fools' con job, courtesy of Thrillist. If this causes you to lose all hope of ever personally beheading a Cornish Game Hen, take heart: you can still forward Thrillist to friends — then tease the gullible ones mercilessly despite the fact that the 1st isn't until Sunday.
Okay bunnies. You just got yourselves another day to live, but you're not off the (meat) hooks yet.