Earlier today, in briefly discussing the brainstorming session that produced the concept for sure-to-be runaway hit The Great American Singing Bee (i.e., "Horowitz 'came to me and said, "Two words: Singing bee," ' Gurin said. 'I said, "Bingo," and we began developing it.'") [Ed.note—Yeah, we're still not sure we get it.], we jokingly mentioned that a gameshow-crazed NBC was also developing a complementary, bingo-themed project. A helpful tipster quickly reminded us that rival ABC's best alternative programming minds were already way ahead of us (and NBC) on this one. Behold the upcoming National Bingo Night, or as it will soon be popularly known as per our previous flight of supposed fancy, People Shouting At A Fucking Huge Cage Full of Numbered Ping-Pong Balls
"The feel of the show is like a slot machine on your television," ABC senior VP of alternative John Saade told Daily Variety. "It's colorful and fast-moving. It doesn't look like Grandma's bingo."
Skein will be set on what's being called a "bingoplex," an ultrasleek set that features what Saade called a "terrifyingly large" mechanism for dispensing the bingo balls.
The show will feature all the interactive, play-at-home bells and whistles any elderly shut-in could possibly dream of, but its true centerpiece will be the "terrifyingly large" Bingoplex itself, a merciless contraption which will periodically dispense boulder-sized balls that roll through the studio, crushing the tables (and the brittle bones) of any octogenarian contestants too frail to scramble out of their path of destruction while clutching their partially completed game cards. We're pretty sure ABC has a blockbuster on its hands, especially after the dramatic premiere episode, in which no fewer than ten seniors perish just a single letter away from the $100,000 prize.