While most of the world was excitedly high-fiving one another and asking, "Dude, did you see that Keith Richards totally snorted his dad? That's some messed up shit!" following the appearance of the widely circulated, but quickly denied, story about the hard-to-kill guitarist's novel method for disposing of his father's ashes, there was some moderate-level pants-crapping going on within Disney's PR department, where flacks responsible for the upcoming Pirates of the Caribbean sequel were forced to think about How Keith Richard's Blowing Of Dad-Rails Might Affect The Family-Friendly Summer Blockbuster In Which He Appears:
"When [a senior Disney publicist] forwarded the [Richards] story to me ... I thought, 'How are we going to spin this?' " Dennis Rice, Disney's senior vice president for publicity, said during a presentation to the media of the studio's upcoming films Wednesday morning.
As a result of Richards' remark, which was later discounted by his representatives as just a joke, it is likely that the rocker's appearances on the red carpet in support of the film will be curtailed.
"Keith won't be doing a lot of publicity for this movie," Rice added.
In addition to trying to keep the renegade Rolling Stone away from the press, a cautious Disney PR team will also oversee an emergency renovation to their theme park's franchise-inspiring Pirates ride addressing the controversy, adding a scene in which an animatronic Teague Sparrow soberly explains to his son that even though they're both pirates and enjoy their fair share of rape, pillaging, and plunder, under no circumstances is it OK for Jack to use his cremains as snuff, providing parents and children an opportunity to discuss the uncomfortable subjects of both drug abuse and living wills.