Kevin Costner Sues Promoter For Failing To Make World Care About His Shitty Band

Because no aging actor's tumble into middle-age and the looming specter of obsolescence is complete without the forming of a musical vanity project available for booking at your next wedding, bar mitzvah or corporate event, it should surprise no one that Kevin Costner has a band, dubbed, for maximum movie star name recognition potential, the Kevin Costner Band. Spoiled perhaps by the white-gloved treatment to which he is accustomed from the LA-based Hollywood agents and managers handling his film career, Costner is suing the East Coast music promotions company he hired for failing to put his signature Costner sound on every iPod in America:

According to City News Service, Costner filed a hefty lawsuit against a music promoter for breach of contract on Tuesday in LA superior court.

Kevin's Music LLC are charging Mahee Worldwide Ventures Inc., a New York based music promotions group with failing to live up to their end of a musical bargain.

"Defendants made numerous promises regarding their capabilities to promote Mr. Costner's music and (their) willingness to pay for the right to do so," the lawsuit stated. "Instead... defendants continued to make false promises and ultimately disappeared ...," CNS reports the lawsuit stated.

For the curious, YouTube has some footage of a live KCB performance in Iowa last summer, including one ditty he introduces as a song "for a lot of mommies out there, and girls that are going to be mommies," titled "The Porch Song." (We hope by that he meant it's a lullaby. Based on those sleep-inducing specifications, we find it to be an incredibly successful composition.) Still, the lawsuit should have profound implications on the entire bullshit celebrity band industry, leaving promoters leery of ever taking on another group, lest a pissy Richard Gere and the Dolly Llamas sue them into bankruptcy over failing to procure the agreed-upon number of asses-in-seats at their last five county fair bookings.