Valerie Bertinelli, Alive, Is Cover Girl

US Weekly, we take it back! We're sorry we questioned you the other day for putting Tori Spelling on your cover! It was foolish of us, as well as foolhardy, as we learned when we saw the cover of this week's issue of People. The cover, you see, features an American television actress best known for her role on a long-running soap opera and her marriage to a heavy-metal icon. This is about as far from Angelina as one can get. What a dark, dark week.

People, April 16 [People]
Earlier: Why Tori Spelling Is On The Cover Of 'Us Weekly'