The national housewife superego has lady feelings? Yes, maybe. Via the Post, the AP reports that Former Inmate 55170-0549 might soon become Mrs. Martha Helen Kostrya Stewart Simonyi (evidently, WASPiness works by the one-drop rule). Her omnibeing notwithstanding, Martha is currently in Kazakhstan to cheer on and/or get married to her space-tourist manfriend, who's set to blast off today. Unfortunately, he is not Lance Bass. Meanwhile, elsewhere in the Post, and half a world away, a New York City subway car yesterday was attacked and transformed into "a cozy living room with curtains, flowers, throw pillows and rugs" in a "guerrilla installation, dubbed 'No Train Like Home.'" No signs indicate that these heinous transportation/decoration acts are related, but that's because Martha Stewart is a evil genius, like Marilyn vos Savant without the ILF part.
Who is this "longtime boyfriend Charles Simonyi," you ask, ready to "blast off today for a 13-day tour of space, a trip for which he paid $20 million to $25 million"? An enemy of freedom, that's who. The AP's Maria Danilova bravely fills us in:
"He's in excellent spirits," Stewart, 65, said after their tete-a-tete. "He's very fit and very well trained."
Stewart and Simonyi, a computer programmer who helped develop Microsoft Word, have been romantically linked for about a decade.
Yes, the woman who makes you feel inadequate in the home has made a devil's pact with the man who taunts you with animated paper clips at the office, the cretin who insists on deploying infernal green squiggly lines under clauses that, thought perhaps syntactically adventurous, are far from ungrammatical. And why is Mr. Simonyi, Czar of America's Hegemonic Productivity Suite, insisting on taking a Kazakh spacecraft? Could it have something to do with PowerPoint's complicity in the Columbia space shuttle disaster?
Look, "treason" is not a term we throw around lightly here. But if it looks like duck confit, and has the mouth-feel of duck confit, it's duck confit. And as noted, foot soldiers for Martha's secret lifestyle confederacy are already taking up positions in New York:
Ellen Moynihan said she conceived the project a year ago as a way to highlight "how much of a second home the subway system can be for millions of commuters."
But mostly, she said, she wanted to see how straphangers and the MTA - which was not told about the project - would react.
At Avenue U, a police officer peered in the car and shouted, "What are you doing?"
When the four women responded, "It's an art installation," the officer seemed skeptical, but waved in disgust and the doors closed.
It took 40 minutes to complete the decorations, including welcome mats that were duct-taped by every door.
The snazzy subway car brought smiles to many riders' faces, but some were displeased.
"This is criminal," a woman said. "It may be beautiful, but that's not the issue. They are obstructing the subway."
First obstructing justice, now obstructing subways. Is this how liberty dies, at the hands of Design?