Always on the lookout for
free creative ways to promote their artery-jacking Famous Bowls, KFC has again appealed to the newly minted stars of American Idol to help usher its gustatory message to the finger lickin' masses. Having struck out last season with a generous offer to the runner-up of a $10,000 "commercial recording contract," the fast food outlet has now set its sights on the series' most polarizing contestant—tone-deaf hairdevil, Sanjaya Malakar:
If you sport a bowlcut hairdo in a nationally televised performance, KFC will grant you a free lifetime supply of KFC Famous Bowls and a charitable donation in your name — plus $5,000 in cash and your own starring role in our next KFC Famous Bowls advertisement.
Now, that's an offer almost as juicy as our KFC world famous chicken [...]
[signed] Gregg Dedrick
President of KFC
We doubt the popular song-rapist would be willing to forego his trademarked mane—and whatever supernatural, Samsonian strength might emanate from its chestnut locks—in exchange for a lifetime of Famous Bowls and a mere five grand, which is barely enough to cover his ponyhawk scrunchie budget. Still, Malakar's advisors have sat him down and appealed to their client to at least consider the deal, realizing that looking like Moe from the Three Stooges on national TV is a small (and unlikely to be the most humiliating) price to pay in exchange for an endorsement deal in the hand, to say nothing of the added security of knowing where the teen sensation will find his next meal once the Idol gravy train has left the station.