3 p.m. TMZ has been carefully noting the points at which each of the interested parties arrives at the courthouse: first Larry Birkhead, looking remarkably slick; then Howard K. Stern, looking grim; and Virgie Arthur, looking, apparently, a bit large. According to TMZ, "The revelation of the baby daddy is imminent." Shriek!

3:14 p.m. Gah! Apparently the results that will be announced today will only tell us if Larry Birkhead is the father or not. Not if Howard K. Stern, or Prince von Richtenschaffenanhaltwhatshisface or the desiccated sperm of J. Howard Marshall is the father! We feel robbed, and violated, and angry. Yes, angry.

3:24 p.m. TMZ's "We're Still Waiting" post went up at 3:08 and already has 56 comments. Have not these people lives?

3:27 p.m. Ah! So apparently, the reason the DNA results only encompass Birkhead's spunk is because von Anhalt gave his DNA sample in Los Angeles, and Howard K. Stern has thus far refused to give a DNA sample at all. Can't they get it off of a soda can, or something?

3:38 p.m. "We're Still Waiting" is at 129 comments.

TMZ

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