Blades of Glory's handsome showing has only solidified what everyone by now has long suspected—that Will Ferrell can create box office heat starring in just about anything, so long as the Ferrellian archetype of a pompous chauvinist in a high-profile profession that requires the donning of a silly uniform and the keeping of a semi-retarded sidekick are firmly in place. With that in mind, a resourceful mind at CollegeHumor.com has devised an ingenious "Will Ferrell Movie Generator," which, through the use of complex, proven-Hollywood-formula algorithms that Google will eventually pay in the low ten-figures for, spits out surefire hits like a Krispy Kreme conveyor belt spits out warm donuts. For example:
Will Ferrell plays Franz Ricard, an egotistical, obnoxious javelin tosser at the top of his profession. He and his sidekick, played by David Koechner, seem invincible until their dominance is threatened by a new rival. Franz Ricard's excessive pride causes him to spiral downward to comical lows. When he is at the depths of despair, he removes his shirt and bellows:
Sweet Jackie Joyner Kersey's apricot! My liver is a slimy scepter!
After a wacky training process featuring a surprise cameo by Jon Heder and a marginally-developed romantic subplot, he enters into a climactic showdown with his rival and emerges victorious - but not without learning a thing or two about friendship.
While the Generator even features a two-click EZ-pitch to the studio of your choice, the one thing it doesn't do is offer up a title—undoubtedly a conscious decision on the part of its creators, who know that even the laziest of paint-by-numbers Hollywood screenwriters like to think they have contributed some sort of autonomous creative input into what finally appears on the screen. We therefore proudly submit Throwin' Spears: The Saga of Franz Ricard as the name of our guaranteed minimum $40 million opener, though we strongly suspect that all we really needed the studio suits to hear were the words "Will Ferrell" and "obscure decathalon event" to make an in-the-room sale.